Coincidence?

So, today is the 70th birthday of the original Six Million Dollar Man, Lee Majors. Majors played Col. Steve Austin (a man barely alive) in that 1970s sci-fi series.

A test pilot severely injured in a crash, he received specialized electronic replacement parts for the limbs he'd lost -- one arm, an eye and both legs. He was better, stronger, faster than he was, in other words. His arm could lift really heavy things and punch through stuff, his eye could focus long distances and his legs let him run about 60 miles an hour. They let him jump really high, too, all while making this really cool shuddery noise that just about every guy under 50 has a version of playing in his head when he's at the gym.

Majors also played Colt Seavers in The Fall Guy. Seavers was a stuntman who worked on the side as a bounty hunter, along with his dim cousin Howie, who had spent at least a semester studying at every college in the continental U.S., and stunt-woman Jodie, who was never given enough buttons for her shirt by the wardrobe department.

Majors showed his own willingness to take a risk by singing the theme song for The Fall Guy, which was called "The Ballad of the Unknown Stuntman." In it, he informs us that while the stuntman may get close to the girl, the actor always gets the girl. And yes, I own a copy of the 45.

Coincidentally, the 23rd of April is also the date chosen for the celebration of William Shakespeare's birth in 1564 (his actual birthdate that year isn't known).

And so, because I can and because not everything in my brain works the way it should, I give you "Ye Olde Ballad of Ye Unknown Stuntman:"

Nay, I’d not kiss and tell, but I have been seen with Farrah
Ne’er graced my arm hath anything ‘neath a 9…so fine!
Aflame I’ve been, with Sally Field! Afleet I’ve gone, with beauteous Bo!
But somehap, their hearts be never mine.
I bite my thumb at death! I take my chances!
And do I die? Aye, for a living on both small and silver screen.
But ‘tis nobler still that I do watch my leading ladies
kiss ‘nother’s lips while I do bandage my knee.
Ah, falleth I from towers tall, rolleth I yon virgin car!
Sooth! I am the unknown stuntman, by me Redford shines his star!

Ne’er gave I much thought to school, but I didst teach the ladies plenty;
’Tis true I my body hire out for pay...hey hey!
Scorched be my flesh, for Cheryl Tiegs, and lo! for Raquel Welch!
But do I find aught in the hay but hay? Nay, nay!
Ah, leapt I yon rising drawbridge, like a Tarzan am I a-vine!
Sooth! I am the unknown stuntman, by me doth Eastwood look great and fine!

A presidency? No, not for me, but could any other dream such First Ladies?
Why, some days they range as far as mine eye does see!
Born! Born was I and died with Jackie Smith, night findeth me 'side lovely Cheryl;
Alas, when all is said and done none e’er remain with me!
Ah, falleth I from towers tall, and spare Burt Reynolds' smallest hurt;
Ah, leapt I the yawning canyon, so he can kiss and flirt.
But whilst words smooth his lips to my lady fair, mine find naught but dirt;
Sooth! I am the lonely stuntman, by me doth the lover spring forth from Burt!