TV?

I've planned badly the last couple of days at the gym and I've out-pedaled my book.

This means I have to complete my time on the bike while watching television. Sometimes that's OK, because there's a baseball game on. Sometimes it's not, because there's some shouting dunderhead or blow-dried NewsMuppet on.

And sometimes there's network TV on, which is worse than it would be to watch an hourlong news and commentary show hosted by a person who was created with the combined DNA of Bill O'Reilly, Keith Olbermann, Nancy Grace, Rachel Maddow and Glenn Beck. Which, by the way, we must stop from ever happening, so you scientists reading this who might have such an idea in the back of your little control-the-planet, brave-new-world brains just better nip it in the bud. Nip it, nip it nip it!

Anyway, back to network television. Sweet glory on the rock, could there be anything stupider? I saw Bob Saget on TV, which is proof unemployment in Hollywood can't be all that bad -- if they're giving America's Unfunniest Video Host a job, then we're one step away from producers hiring winos for the next "sharp, witty drama crackling with romantic and sexual tension." Which I think is what the show Castle was supposed to be, although it seemed to me that even The Mighty Nathan Fillion couldn't hose the stink off that poo. Here's hoping it gets canceled, so Fillion can either take on the role of Indiana Jones in a re-booted franchise, take on the role of James T. Kirk in a rebooted franchise, or best of all, haul the Serenity out of mothballs and get back to work with Zoe, Kayleigh, Simon, River and Jayne.

Also viewed was the show Criminal Minds, which posits the existence of an FBI profiling team that flies around the country cracking the many serial killer cases that clog the police blotters. The team's toughest case was how they would go on without the Wise Seasoned Team Leader character after Mandy Patinkin didn't like the numbers written on his paychecks. It was fortunately solved by Joe Mantegna. The rerun I had to watch featured a serial killer who disemboweled his victims, made them clean up the mess (apparently a disemboweled person can take awhile to expire) and then waited around a few hours before cutting their throats. Man, I love how modern media uplifts and benefits society!

I have learned one thing, though. I'm bringing a bigger dadgum book tomorrow.