A Resolution of Thanks

To: The ladies who rode an exercise bike and an elliptical machine next to me earlier this week at the gym.

WHEREAS, your discussion was conducted in voices that reached a significant square footage of a large workout room and,

WHEREAS, said discussion was concerned with extremely personal grooming matters and,

WHEREAS, said discussion also involved a catalog of similar grooming habits, observed and speculated upon, of several other individuals of both genders and,

WHEREAS, said discussion also involved several possible manners of display of said grooming habits, described in step-by-step detail,

BE IT RESOLVED that, on this thirteenth day of August of the Year of Our Lord, 2009, I wish to offer you thanks in helping me better my targeted weight loss goal for the week by making it impossible for me to keep any food down for several days.