Observationing

A few weeks ago, I happened to visit a Wal-Mart other than the one nearest me, and I saw a couple of things that brought to my mind a collection of things I have learned over the years shopping at various Wal-Mart stores. These may or may not be of help to you, and I suspect that long-term study would show they hold true at K-Mart or Target as well.

-- Electric carts are to be used by disabled folks. "Disability" includes being able to walk just fine but having a Dixon that outweighs one's Mason by a considerable amount. Later arrivals who need carts will be directed to wait or may ask other shoppers to use the carts. They will be found in front of the Häagen-Dazs display.

-- The yellow paint stripes in the parking lot are special magical paint. Shopping carts placed within them will not roll outside the area defined by the paint on the ground under their wheels. Please feel free to take advantage of this feature to save the five steps it would take to walk to the cart corral.

-- In a similar arena, posts that contain handicapped parking signs, light poles or other notices are magnetic. Carts placed next to them will not move unless retrieved by store employees.

-- Carts placed near the entry door may not be used by shoppers unless they have been retrieved by store employees and recirculated into the store via that funky short garage door entrance off to one side.

-- Signs such as "express lane" or "15 items or less" are merely advisory. Please advance to these lanes with as many items as you have in your cart.

-- No one is under any obligation, when meeting a cart coming in the opposite direction in a shopping aisle, to position oneself so that when both carts are stopped there is room for a third cart, person or carbon dioxide molecule to pass between them.

-- Any group of persons shopping should move through the store with one person pushing the cart and others flanking it in such a manner as to prevent the very real possibility that other carts may pull alongside and fire a broadside into it.

-- The toy section functions in a manner similar to a library. Children may play with any and all toys in and around this area and are asked to please allow store employees to re-stock the shelves rather than return things where they found them.

-- Should shoppers reconsider their purchase of an item before actually reaching the checkout counter, they may place it wherever they happen to be standing when they change their minds. It is important that perishable foodstuffs be handled in this way. It is especially important that such foodstuffs which have been frozen or refrigerated be handled this way, so that condensation which forms on them as they thaw can affect several other items.

-- Under no circumstances should a shopper report a dropped, spilled or broken item unless a store employee happens to be there to witness the accident!