We've Got Us a Contest!

I have at another time opined that when The View co-host Joy Behar opens her mouth, the whole world gets stupider. I said this because I believe Ms. Behar is capable of saying things of such an incredible level of dumbness that they actually suck the smart out of other people, and that she can do so to a degree that almost no one else on television can match.

Then I saw a broadcast of The Tyra Banks Show today. It was on at the gym, and I had outpedaled my book again, and people look at me weird when I do the exercise bike with my eyes closed (well, I think they do. After all, my eyes are closed). Before you ask, yes, it was a traumatic experience, and my therapist recommended writing it down to begin the healing process.

Anyway, Tyra was talking to people who call themselves vampires. The main guest seemed to be this tall, skinny, pale dude who had veneers placed on his canine teeth in order to create fangs. He explained about how these people think of themselves, and how some of them do in fact consume blood from other people. Tyra was very curious and asked many questions, allowing this fellow, who as far as I could tell was a very polite young man despite being obviously a wee bit off his nut, to explain his lifestyle.

And then she asked about why there weren't any black vampires.

Now, I believe this question shows us a couple things. One, Ms. Banks seems to have completely overlooked the career of Prince Mamuwalde, better known as Blacula, as detailed in Blacula and Scream, Blacula, Scream. Two, she has also ignored the Eddie Murphy Theorem of Black People in Horror Movies, which suggests that the first even remotely creepy event will cause black people to get the heck away from whatever's going on, an entirely sensible course of action that people in horror movies never seem to take, no matter what their race. In other words, the Murphy Theorem suggests that black people are too sensible to succumb to the vampire's curse.

It would seem Mr. Murphy has never met Ms. Banks.