In honor of this ABC News report on how those great tubs o' corn will kill you (although the report does not note that a number of recent releases may make that seem like not such a bad thing if it were to happen before the movie was over), and with apologies to Rev. Dodgson:
'Twas dimming, and the middle rows
Did slowly fill from either end;
Restless were the waiting droves,
Would these previews ever end?
"Beware the Tubbocorn, my son!
The oils of fat, that clog like that!
Beware the tasty treat, and shun
The greasy butter vats!"
He took the plastic straw in hand:
and plunged it in the sugary draught—
Ne'er did he think the name "calorie",
Which he prob'ly should have thought.
And as in non-caloric thought he sat,
The Tubbocorn, kernels aflame,
Came swift in reach of grasping hand,
Butter-glistening as it came!
One, two! One, two! and through and through
The careless hand did carve its track!
The tub was bare, but his hair
was full of scattered snack.
"And hast thou slain the Tubbocorn?
Doomed thou art, sclerotish boy!
Thy infarction may...strike this very day!"
He lamented with no joy.
'Twas dimming, and the middle rows
Did empty out from either end;
Smugly sat the carping droves,
One more pleasure at an end.
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