Somebody Made a Boo-boo...

Let us consider stupidity.

Specifically, let us consider the stupidity of one Jesse Gregory James, host of the Discovery Channel Monster Garage series and the possibly prophetic stunt show on Spike TV, Jesse James Is a Dead Man.

Mr. James has been married to actress Sandra Bullock since 2005. It now appears that he engaged in an affair with a "tattoo model," one Ms. Michelle McGee, while Ms. Bullock was filming her Academy-Award winning role in The Blind Side. Why, specifically, are these stories indications that Mr. James could be a little smarter?

Well, under what circumstances did he think this could turn out well for him? His wife is Sandra Bullock. Steve Rogers' twin sister could cave in Adolf Hitler's skull with the star-spangled plate from which she'd just served Cap a slice of homemade apple pie and she'd come in second to Ms. Bullock in the all-American girl competition. A fellow who wants to make his living on television doesn't want to do things that cause people to hate him, and about the only person who'll like Mr. James now will be former Senator John Edwards, because this gets that Hunter woman's interview off the entertainment news shows.

Perhaps there will be the some kind of counter-accusation. Had the marriage deteriorated to a place where he felt it was OK for him to begin seeing -- and more -- other people? Was Ms. Bullock impossible to live with, showing in private a persona that no one could love even though in public she has been pretty much the definition of America's sweetheart? Again, we're talking about Sandra Bullock. Unless Mr. James, who has been married twice before, can show video of her stealing candy from the very mouths of war orphans, he's going to lose this one. And even then, most people will figure he had James Cameron's Avatar group doctor the footage.

And for what has he stepped on this monumental land mine that will almost certainly make him show-business poison and one of the jerkiest jerks in the history of jerkdom? For Ms. McGee, a woman whose decorated exterior resembles a NASCAR racer for at least as long as it takes for gravity and time to have their way. She has said that she would not have engaged in an affair with Mr. James had she known the pair were still married, saying that Mr. James "gave [her] the impression that they were separated."

Darn those pesky polysyllables! "Divorced" does not equal "still married." "Widowed" does not equal "still married." "Never married" does not equal "still married." But "separated" is in fact, "still married."

Ah well. The best we can do, I suppose, is hope that the people hurt in this find ways to heal and the people who were dumber than dirt in this learn from their actions. And should the marriage end and Ms. Bullock wish to try again, may I point out to her the benefits of a relationship with someone not in showbiz and whose 40-plus years of single living would mean that gratitude alone would inspire his fidelity for at least that long.

Not that I have anyone specific in mind, of course.