Thanks, Mahmoud!

Gone away to church camp for a week, which left me feeling warm and fuzzy and good-hearted towards all of humanity. Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad helped prove we're all more alike than we are different with these remarks slamming Paul the Soccer-Predicting Octopus and the interest given him during the recent World Cup games. Politicians the world over never seem to know when to shut up.

Some might suggest that the attack came because Paul's garden -- if it resembles those created by his fellow octopi as seen by Ringo Starr --offers a place of "joy for every girl and boy," since they "[know] that "they're happy and they're safe." President Ahmadinejad's government frowns on joy that involves mixing girls and boys. And should they be accused of having so mixed, they will be anything but safe. Their lawyers may be walking a little bit of a tightrope themselves, it seems. While that explanation does indeed offer the same contact with reality regularly demonstrated by Iran's president and the international groups that humor him, it would require him to be a Ringo fan, and I believe that he seethes with jealousy over the Beatle drummer's beard.

President Ahmadinejad suggests that playing along with the idea that a sea creature that keeps two-thirds of its brain in its arms forecasts soccer match outcomes demonstrates an inability to lead. He was silent on what leadership skills are demonstrated by a national head of state who weighs in against a cephalopod mollusk. Paul had no comment, which is probably best for President Ahmadinejad. Whether one is comparing them based on number of limbs or on probable IQ, the president should be grateful for Paul's unwillingness to do battle with an opponent clearly not his equal.

ETA: Although the octopus method of reproduction, which involves the male detaching the relevant portion of his body to go about its business independent of the rest of him, does go a long way towards explaining President Ahmadinejad's presence in the world.