Hoping Darwin Was Wrong...

So Friday I parked at a Border's Books and Music and apparently didn't lock my truck. When I came back outside after making my purchase, I was short one gym bag and one portable jump-starter. The jump-starter is pushing five years old and I don't even know if it holds a charge anymore, and I have seen them in pawn shops for about ten bucks.

The gym bag held my workout clothes, deodorant, a nearly empty bottle of shampoo. It also held two items sure to be worthless to these thieves: A combination lock and a book. The combination lock is worthless because it was locked, can't be reset and the chances that someone will just happen on the combo are pretty minimal. The book is worthless because I'm going to presume someone who steals gym clothes capable of piloting the space shuttle before I presume them capable of understanding the concept of a book. The odds of deciphering the combination lock are better.

They left a $200 tool box that sits behind the seat of my truck, about which I am pleased and which further confirms to me that they possess suboptimal mental faculties. There is no way of knowing who they are, of course. But if prayer works, some clinic in the Norman area is going to be treating a couple of cases of painful genital warts within the next week, and those warts are going to recur. I opted against hoping for rectal warts because of the possibility that they could impede the minimal thinking of which these thieves might be capable.