Well, I think we've now seen what happens when we relax our watchfulness against the twin evils of brigandage and communism. Even the very finest examples of citizenry and good sportsmanship our nation has to offer can't overcome years of lax attitudes and failure to appreciate the dangers these two nefarious schemes pose, and your Northwestern University Wildcats fell to the pinko pirates calling themselves the "Red Raiders" of Texas Tech in the TicketCity Bowl.
The jinx, of course, was in, due to the bad juju from other teams with the Wildcat name falling in their respective bowls earlier in the so-called "bowl season." The Only True Wildcats did rally from a 31-9 deficit midway through the third quarter to make the game close, but they keenly felt the absence of starting quarterback Dan Persa. The official story suggests that Persa injured his hamstring during the Iowa game, but Wildcat fans know he probably was busy thwarting some skullduggerish Illini plot against apple pie and motherhood. Though Persa's true sacrifice may never be known, a grateful nation obviously thanks him for his selfless gesture.
There's always next year. Suggestions for the over-the-top tone this blog may use in reporting Northwestern University football results may be left in the comments. Currently under consideration: Making all reports in the kind of dialogue Stan Lee used to write for Namor the Sub-Mariner in the mid-60s, such as, "Then, with mighty arm extended, valiant Persa did launch the Forward Pass Supreme to confound the Spartans' schemes nefarious!!!"
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