Some Thoughts Occasioned By the Recent Blizzard

1. You don't need to go to the gym if you've got a couple of six-foot drifts and a 40-foot sidewalk to clear. This may explain why our forebears were less likely to be obese, even though they were painfully short of zumba instructors and elliptical machines compared to modern times.

2. If we're going to have this many snowstorms of the century during my lifetime, I expect to have at least that many centuries of actual lifetime. To whom do I address this request?

3. Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good shovel at your side, kid.

4. To all who grade and clear roads during and after major snowfalls: Thank you. However, a small suggestion. When the wind is somewhere upwards of 30 miles an hour, snow piled on the windward side of the road will blow back across the road and cover it again. Snow piled on the lee side of the road will blow on into the fields and stay there.

5. Experiencing a blizzard after one has shed 20 or 30 pounds prompts this observation: It's frickin' cold out there!

6. A note to those whose vehicular capabilities make them bold upon the snowy and icy roads: Four-wheel drive is not four-wheel stop. Your SUV's ability to accelerate in a normal fashion in these conditions does not imply it will be able also to decelerate in a normal fashion, and my pokey little four-banger Toyota pickup cannot haul you out of the ditch you slid into.

7. Persons who live in housing additions whose streets are not themselves main roads: If you would like your addition plowed, you should probably pool your money in a homeowner's association through its dues and hire someone to do it. The publicly-owned snowplows of different municipalities and government agencies are busy clearing emergency and main routes. Of course, I might donate to your cause -- all you have to do is clear a path out of your neighborhood and into mine and I'll be happy to entertain your request.

8. The proposed switch to a year-round school term may happen without legislation if there are any more snow days.