Overheard in the Heavenly Realms. Dept. of Retribution against Heretics and Blasphemers:
"Well, it's Monday, guys -- back to work."
"Yeah, gonna be tough paying attention today after the Clemons welcome party. I'm still so wired up my wings are buzzing."
"But we've got things to do, playing catch-up from the weekend. What's on the agenda?"
"Sports Illustrated column by some guy named Rothschild. He suggests that the Chicago Cubs -- I applied for a special Dispensation so I could say this aloud without suffering instant banishment, by the way -- replace Wrigley Field."
"Sweet heavenly day! Is it satire? There's an out clause in the regs for that, you know."
"Nope. He's serious. Says the parking's terrible, the food's not great, the place is cramped and small, attendance is falling -- has a whole list of reasons."
"Nothing to do, then. We'll have to recommend the retribution for this. I don't even have to look it up, it's a Class A Smoking Thunderbolt Level Strike. Anything anyone want to say in his defense?"
"Not defending him, so much, but pointing out the guy's a Chicagoan himself..."
"Barely an M-Level Irritation, even in the winter -- few weeks of below-zero cold each year can't cover this..."
"...and he's a Cubs fan." Silence falls.
"It's settled, then. Another century."
"No World Series title until 2108? But the humans will invent anti-aging treatments in another 10 years; Rothschild will live to see that."
"He loses his season tickets in 2107."
"Now that's cold."
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