As We Approach This Solemn and Wonderful Day...

Let us remember that, while turkeys can taste good baked, broiled, fried, roasted, sliced, sandwiched, mustarded and mayoed...

While they can provide a common meal around which family members will gather, and can provide tryptophan in sufficient amounts to make the afternoon seem like one continuing football game instead of three or four separate ones...

While they can provide us with endless adolescent amusement because a part of their body is named "wattle..."

While they can offer a proper Cimmerian air to any event with their large, barbarian-appetite sized drumsticks...

There is still one thing they cannot do: