Patently Dopey

So did you know that if you aimed a laser pointer at the floor and let your cat chase the little red dot for your amusement anytime between about 1995 and 2007, you were in violation of United States patent law?

Yup. US Patent # 5443036, available for your perusal here, gave two guys the rights to this particular form of kitty exercise. And if they hadn't apparently decided the joke was over in 2007 and not paid their renewal fees, they'd still own that patent.

I doubt either man ever figured they'd get a dime out of the deal -- it smells like a joke. If they did hope to gain something from it, I can't see the process by which it would come about, unless they intended to market laser pointers as "cat exercisers." But the real idiocy here comes from the Patent Office, which housed more than one employee who reviewed the application and said, "Why yes, I believe the practice of moving a small dot of light around in front of a cat (or, apparently, any animal with a chase instinct) is something the rights to which can be owned exclusively by a person or group of persons." Of course, since the Patent Office makes revenue from patent fees, and since nobody pays patent fees if they don't hold a patent, they had plenty of reasons to grant the application. Just not any good or smart ones.

Meanwhile, I'm a little worried about what happens if cats learn of the whole laser-pointer-dot-of-light thing. "So that thing's not a real animal and you're just moving it around yourself to keep me from catching it? Pretty funny, primate. Almost as funny as what's going to happen to you when you fall asleep later."