I Want a New Drug

I, like many men, am always wary of how eager I am to do the bidding of an attractive woman, even though she may be asking me to obtain the nuclear launch codes always carried by someone near the United States president. Though I am a loyal citizen and have absolutely no access to restricted White House areas, I cannot tell you how many times I have caught myself just before buying a plane ticket to Washington, D.C., to make the attempt.

There is now hope for me (and for you, too. Don't be ashamed; it happens to every guy). If we receive a dose of the antibiotic minocycline, we will be less likely to be ensnared by the damish wiles of the femme fatale and thus retain command of our faculties ("Now you tell me." -- Philip Marlowe).

Japanese researchers studied the effects of minocycline, which is ordinarily used to treat acne. It also can reduce the symptoms of some mental illnesses, as well as improve decision making. In their study, men who received a placebo were more likely to give larger amounts of money to an unknown woman who was attractive than to one who was considered plain. Men who received minocycline were not.

Researchers have sought out chemicals that may have a similar effect on women, improving their decision-making skills when in the presence of attractive men. Results are as yet inconclusive, but the leading candidate seems to be a compound known as "can-quote-large-portions-of-Star-Wars-dialogue-verbatim-cycline." Although it seems to have little impact when administered to female test subjects, if it is administered to males -- even ones that might be considered physically attractive -- the women are often literally unable to see or hear them afterwards.