Your Rind Ain't Ripe

Ordinarily, if one wants a dumb legislative idea regarding crime and punishment in my fair state, one must rely on the Grand Old Party. They've got a flap-brained contingent that's always willing to take a look at doing something to criminals that makes Theodoric of York, medieval judge, say, "Dial it down a bit, eh?"

But we are bi-partisan in our silliness, and comes now the latest proof, state representative Joe Dorman of Rush Springs, home of the Rush Springs Watermelon Festival. Rep. Dorman, one of the few Democrats surviving in state government these days, wants to introduce legislation that will allow death row inmates to donate their organs when their sentences are carried out.

Now, let's set aside the fact that the government of China (slogan: More than one billion human beings, less than zero human rights) has practiced something similar to this that it says it will end in 2014. Or that science fiction author Larry Niven conceived of a similar arrangement in his Known Space series, in which a brave-new-world styled authoritarian State euphemistically sentenced criminals to "community service" by keeping them alive but comatose as their organs were harvested one by one. And that the system Rep. Dorman proposes sounds more than a little bit like the one Niven envisioned.

No, let's look at the practical concerns that Rep. Dorman's ghastly scavenger hunt would entail. One is that current acceptable methods of execution wreck several of the body's major organs at once and degrade their viability for transfer. That's where Rep. Dorman borrows from Niven, as instead of being killed by lethal injection an inmate being executed would instead be anesthetized and the needed pieces removed before brain death occurred. So technically, Rep. Dorman, you're suggesting organs be harvested from living people. That sound you heard was Christian Szell saying, "Ew."

Some other people quoted in the story note that organ transfers are a little more complicated than a snip and a slice and a bag of ice -- they require advanced surgical facilities that are rarely to be found inside prison walls. So these would have to be built, which would cost money, and the state corrections department isn't exactly swimming in that right now. And there's the detail that not every person facing execution has taken good care of his or her body and its included organs.

When we add this all up, we may wonder if Rep. Dorman is serious in his proposal. Our state Democratic lawmakers have adopted a joshing attitude in recent years as state party disorganization and national party disaffection have left them as little more than an afterthought in the legislative process, and sometimes filed legislation or proposed amendments fitting that juvenile mindset.

It's hard to say. Rep. Dorman voted in favor of the death penalty for second-offense sex offenders in 2006 but against executing mentally ill offenders the same year. So he, unlike me, apparently approves of the death penalty. But the idea is just too ludicrous and too rickety to be taken seriously. About two seconds worth of thought produces enough moral and practical objections to this scheme to make Red Skull blanch, so it's hard to accept that Rep. Dorman sees a future which actually conforms to his legislation.

Which is where I wind up confused -- is the stupidity here the plan that the legislation envisions? Or is it submitting such legislation with some ulterior point in mind? Either way, somebody's bread ain't done.