I Voted! Don't Shoot!

One exit poll conducted on the referendum to allow Crimea to remove itself from Ukraine and become part of Russia is running at 93 percent in favor of the change.

From the deepest hellish regions of the damned, Josef Stalin was heard to tut disapprovingly at this latest incarnation of Muscovite dictatorship, suggesting that in his day, an exit poll of 93 percent would have resulted in the Siberian exile of the entire precinct, the Lubyankan imprisonment of the poll workers and the outright execution of whatever idiot dared breathe accurate numbers out loud.