Well, it's national signing day for America's college students. Around the country, physics and chemistry departments unveiled lab coats embroidered with the names of the 1600-level SAT scores they secured for their school. Business schools blanketed the news media with the glossy brochures detailing the six-figure startups already founded by their incoming freshmen. Philosophy departments revealed the library study nooks reserved for their brainiest new students. Colleges everywhere reaffirmed their mission of education and intellectual inquiry by highlighting the best and brightest the world's high schools have produced.
Nah, I'm kidding. It was all about football.