Thursday, May 5, 2016


To: K.S., South Carolina
From: You Know Who
Re: Refusal of Tow Service Incident

Mr. S:

We have been notified that subsequent to your choice to refuse to tow a car which displayed a bumper sticker for one Bernard Sanders, supporting his candidacy for President of the United States, you referenced a message from our Client, purportedly delivered to you, which advised you to do the same.

We fully recognize your right to serve or refuse to serve persons according to such belief systems and convictions you may hold. We note that later statements by you offer claims that persons with similar political beliefs have been unreliable customers and it has been difficult to collect payment from them. Frankly, we don't believe a word of that and feel it is far more probable that you have become aware of how deeply you have stepped in it and how unlikely it is that you will be in business six months from now because of that. But it is a claim we do not oppose.

We do, however, request that you desist from claiming that a message from our Client was involved in your decision. We believe that if you consult our Policy Manual, section "Matthew," subsection 25, ¶ 45, you will find the following statement (precise wording may vary according to edition):
"Then he will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.'"
While there is no solid finding of fact that persons supporting Senator Sanders in his run are de jure "the least of these," we feel that viewing them as such, as you detail in your statments, renders them so de facto in relation to you and thus the obligation outlined in preceding paragraphs attaches, as it does to all of those who claim to follow the Policy Manual and its Author.

Should you wish to continue claiming our Client is the source of your decision we advise you to obtain representation in order to properly handle the action from said Client, which will be forthcoming. We will advise you beforehand, though, that persons in our particular field are very uncommon on this plane of existence and you may have a long search.

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