Monday, October 31, 2016


Although I continue to despise the idea of either of the two major party's greedy, grasping, power-hungry septuagenarians occupying the White House, I could, I think be persuaded to support whichever one of them promised the following measure would be brought to Congress and enacted into law:

The Put Your Moving Van Where Your Big Fat Famous Stupid Celebrity Mouth Is Act of 2017

1) Persons who are either currently or previously famous but who have demonstrated absolutely no awareness of politics beyond repeating the campaign slogans of their preferred candidate who, whether upon being queried or spontaneously, say that they will move to another country should another candidate be elected to the White House shall be required to do so.

2) Given that these words are spoken with a complete lack of awareness of the privilege of mobility granted them by their wealth -- money which they received primarily from persons who have nothing like the level of income these celebrities enjoy -- said celebrities shall be required to make these moves equipped with nothing more than a listing of moving companies and their own checkbook. No assistants, hangers-on or aides may be involved, except that said celebrities shall be required to find them either a) housing in the new country of habitation or b) alternative employment, including the job training necessary to make many of these assistants actually employable in the real world.

3) Although many of these claims involve the sovereign nation of Canada, in the interests of maintaining the long-standing good relationship between that nation and the United States of America, no more than twenty-five (25) celebrities may emigrate to Canada following any Presidential election. The names of these 25 shall be determined by a random lottery drawing of all pampered rich folks who have stupidly shot off their mouths. The maintenance of that relationship shall require that certain celebrities shall be prohibited from moving to Canada. The initial list includes Chelsea Handler and Michael Moore, but it may be increased as necessary depending on which of these airheads flaps his or her empty yap.

4) Said celebrities may not return to the United States until or unless they can prove that their box-office draw is large enough that the benefit of having them as taxpayers outweighs the burden of having to listen to this same stupid whining every four years.

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