A Stand for Lemonade Stands

Movies would have us believe that corporations are filled with evil geniuses who plot to enrich themselves at the cost of environmental damage, public trust, poor people's jobs and the death of every kitten on the planet. The real world shows they are more often run by panicky folks that fold at the drop of a social media hat.

But every so often the genius label gains a little evidence. Comes now Country Time, makers of lemonade and lemonade mixes, to offer a helping hand when overzealous bureaucratic twerps regulate kids' lemonade stands out of existence.

Most people are smart enough to recognize that food safety laws, small business ordinances and the like are important but should probably not be set in stone when the offender needs training wheels or a car seat to get to court. But far too often, the brain rot caused by being an unelected official with power over their fellow humans makes some code enforcement officer or other agent decide to cite the youngsters for their unlicensed commercial activity. News stories get written, chamber of commerce directors start drinking at 9 AM, older and smarter bureaucrats realize with fright that some of these people will actually run things someday and little kids find themselves strangely drawn to Straight Outta Compton.

Well some Luthorian genius at Country Time decided to set up a fund that would help kids pay the fines the Brobdingnagian municipal code -- emphasis on "nag" -- imposed. The company will help pay up to $300 -- and don't you know that some tourism director somewhere is wailing over how to fix the image of a city that would fine a kindergartner three hundred dollars  -- in case Junior Businessman or Businesswoman runs afoul of the outfit that can't keep the streets paved but figures it has to protect people from warm sugary fruit-flavored beverages bought with pocket change.

Sure, it's not creating a cleanup site that even Scott Pruitt might gasp at, but how long are these diabolical corporate masterminds going to keep helping people evade the law? When will some selfless regulatory Roland step forth (anonymously) and enact a code that will prevent Country Time from helping these scofflaws? The Republic waits!