Another Resolution of Thanks

To: The Gentleman in the Locker Room at My Gym

WHEREAS, following your post-workout shower you chose to towel yourself dry not in the privacy of your shower stall but in the public space in front of your locker, and

WHEREAS, this locker was near to other persons, namely me, and

WHEREAS, said toweling was of an extremely thorough and personal nature that one could safely term "spelean," and

WHEREAS, said toweling was followed by the application of spray talcum powder to the now dry areas, and

WHEREAS, said application was not properly aimed, allowing for an overspray that spread through the air, actually blowing a nearby towel to the floor from its resting place on a bench,

BE IT NOW RESOLVED that, on this twenty-fifth day of August of the Year of Our Lord 2009, I shall offer you my thanks for helping me meet my weight-loss goals for the week by again making it impossible to keep any food down.