Well, you were presented with the three moviegoing choices over the weekend: Sylvester Stallone's The Expendables, Julia Roberts' Eat Pray Love and Michael Cera's Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.
In chronological order, the results of this Choose Your Own Adventure:
1) Scott Pilgrim. Yes, this is from the man who helmed the hilarious Shaun of the Dead. And it's a comic-book movie, and I let my geek flag fly proudly. There's an interesting metaphor thing going on, as the titular character must battle the evil exes of his new crush before he can date her. Unless the only people you've ever dated are people who never dated anyone before you, this is definitely familiar territory, even if the battles to conquer the memories/effects of the past are usually a bit less literal and fatal. But it has Michael Cera, a walking sack of bland who's tolerable in some supporting roles like Juno, but as the centerpiece of the movie he functions more like a sponge that never stops sucking the life and energy out of everything around him while never displaying much of either on his own. This was more like "Choose Your Own Vaguely Irritating Afternoon in the Theater."
2) Eat Pray Love. Not unless I was dead, buried, had a stake driven through my vampiric, blood-lusting heart and was buried again in earth sewn with garlic could you get me in a theater to see this movie. And even then I'd figure out a way to haunt you and drive you stark raving mad as my revenge. You chose...poorly.
3) The Expendables. Good guys win. Bad guys lose. Many stuff go 'splodey. In fact, at least one bad guy go 'splodey. Rambo, the Terminator and John McClane are all on my movie screen at the same time, even if it's a clunky little scene. Can't figure out how Stallone managed to omit Chuck Norris and Michael Ironside from the cast, but he's talking already talking sequel, so cross those fingers. Maybe he can figure out a way to CGI John Wayne, Robert Mitchum, Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson and Steve McQueen into the next one too.
2 comments:
okay, okay: i suggested "scott pilgrim" before i'd seen it. big mistake. i don't think you used my word for it, which is "tedious." by evil-ex #3, i was realizing what a long, repetitive haul i was in for. forgive me, padre: i knew not what i recommended.
dug sly and the family bone(crushers), though, even though it was dumb and sloppy...and the arnie/sly/bruce scene was one giant blown opportunity. i still think that one of these days, jason statham is going to be in a well-written, well-directed action flick, and it's going to be HUGE.
am with you on "eat julia roberts"...uh..."eat pray vomit." even my friend liz, who loved the book, hated the flick...not that i'll ever find out just how bad it is firsthand.
I think Statham, if he's ever in a pic like you describe, could hit a McQueen-level of work -- he can probably act just about as well as 75% of the guys doing so-called "drama" roles, and he handles the punchy-kicky without problems.
Hakuna matata on "Pilgrim," I'd have probably wound up seeing it sometime anyway.
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