Alimentary Airways!

It seems that one way a breed of tiny snails spreads to new environments is to be eaten by birds in one area and then, um, deposited by those same birds in another area after the process of digestion is over.

A certain breed of Japanese bird on the island of Hahajima feeds on the tiny land snails scientifically known as Tornatellides boeningi, which is Latin for "sucks to be you." About 15 percent of the snails the birds eat survive the digestion process and emerge healthy -- if not exactly happy -- into whatever environment the birds happen to be overflying when nature calls on line 2. No word on how many of that 15 percent survive the impact with car windshields, freshly cleaned suits or bald-headed men. The snails then begin their new lives in their new environment, grateful for their microscopically tiny brains that are not capable of holding on to memories of how they got there.

One scientist quoted in the story said that the discovery of this form of migration came about because researchers saw snails from different areas interbreeding and that the distances involved seemed much greater than one would expect a snail only 2.5 millimeters across to travel. For comparison, 2.5 millimeters is smaller than a Tic Tac. There is no truth to the suggestion that the eaten-by-birds theory was initially rejected until it was learned snails have no regard for personal hygiene in their breeding partners (see Spring Break, College Students On). This scientist said that researchers would continue to examine T. boeningi to learn if the snail had other ways of being transported long distances. It would seem unlikely that they do, as almost every other method would be preferable to the one outlined in the report.

I bet you expected me to make a joke at some point comparing the experience of T. boeningi to flying today's airliines, but that would really be too easy. Also kind of inaccurate, as generally more than 15 percent of modern airline passengers survive the experience while, as mentioned above, only about 15 percent of the snails survive the birds' digestive tracts.

A better comparison would be the way the airlines treat your luggage.