Algorithm Failure Theater

Anyone who's rented movies from Netflix, either digitally or the way dinosaurs like me do with physical DVDs, is familiar with their invitation to rate the movie once you've returned it. You rate it and Netflix enters that data into a formula that's supposed to suggest similar movies or movies that have some of the same qualities as the movie you just rated. Or, if you hated it, the algorithm will note that and not offer you movies that have those qualities.

But algorithms are not foolproof -- after all, human taste isn't foolproof either. i have suggested movies to friends who later looked at me as though I had served them dog food for dinner.

Now, I have no idea what movie I rented that led the Netflix algorithm to suggest I rent Fading of the Cries. It's been in my queue for some time so I don't remember what suggested the recommendation. But since I haven't seen anything since I've been renting from Netflix that's anywhere near as bad as Cries, I have to think what we have here is an algorithm that's lost the beat.

A young writer, recently widowed, buys a large and (of course) spooky house near his sister as a way of trying to heal from his loss. But the house has some lingering effects from its previous owner and they slowly draw the man into a dark obsession.

Cut to 14 years later, where we meet an unlikeable young woman sneaking alcohol from her mother's stash and treating her mother like dirt because otherwise the movie would be five or ten minutes shorter. She meets up with a friend, but they are soon attacked by some sort of demonic spirits/zombies/ghosts and she is rescued by a gothy shoegazer with a sword. At his urging they flee a horde of similarly CGI'd extras. Meanwhile, the mother and the younger sister are besieged by the demonic spirits/zombies/ghosts and barricade themselves in the upper level of the house. Everyone survives until daylight, when the older daughter and emo Aragorn make their way back to the house. They must find a way to defeat the evil wizard who wants a necklace stolen from him by the writer and delivered to the older daughter.

We watch parallel tracks as the writer descends into evil and the present-day protagonists battle the evil wizard and common sense in order to advance the story.

The movie was written and directed by special effects artist Brian Metcalf -- or at least it says it was. It's hard to see any evidence of a story or direction in the finished product. The story makes no sense and there's simply no way to suspend enough disbelief to allow for its logic gaps even within its own narrative universe. It has no flow -- I didn't name the characters or the actors playing them because nothing about what's on the screen gives the impression you're watching real people, so why bother.

It's also hard to figure out who this movie is aimed at. The story and atmosphere are probably meant to evoke Twilight, but they're not strong enough to bear the weight of any imagination that's spent more than 120 months on the planet. On the other hand, there's enough blood, disturbing imagery and obviously-shoehorned profanity to merit an R rating -- but no one who's able to see an R-rated movie without sneaking past the doorman will want to sit through it.

I was toying with the idea of sending Netflix an e-mail dividing the number of movies I watched this month into my monthly subscription fee and demanding the cost of Fading of the Cries be returned to me, but that would admit publicly confessing that I watched it...oh, crap.