Royal Mulch

In recent weeks I have not been able to play my solitaire game in its free mode without seeing ad after ad after ad after ad for a cheeseball little 3-match game called "Royal Match."

Of late the ads have upped their game, using known actors as shills spokespeople. But just like the generic spokespeople found in earlier ads, they promise the same thing: A game that is ad-free (Irony alert!), cost-free and featuring smooth animation and great graphics. Often some of those features are only available on desktop console ads, but Royal Match promises them on a free app game.

The shortcomings of the game can be found anywhere from review sites to Reddit. For one, it really is just a simple 3-match game like Candy Crush and a dozen others. The storyline is the only difference, and although the plague of ads describes matches that have to save King Roger from diabolical traps, most of the matches actually just allow the player to help the doddering twerp redecorate his castle. And although the game is free to play, the upgrades that allow players to complete higher and more difficult levels do cost money to buy.

But if I had a major gripe (oh, and indeed I do), the problem is the way the game is advertised as a way to take a player's "mind off things." The idea of distracting the mind from worrying about issues is not weird in any way. It's just that there are as many other ways to do that as there are Royal Match ads. And so many of those ways are creative -- a person can read, draw, write, listen to music, play an instrument, paint, plant, cook, volunteer, study something (I have a Book to recommend) or literally anything other than smearing fingerprints across a phone screen. Putting our minds on something good or creative is a fantastic way of getting them off something stressful or upsetting.

Ah, but some may note that I play some app games to. I just confessed to playing solitaire and I have elsewhere sung the praises of Wordle. Wordle, however, besides requiring some logical reasoning, is over and done with once per day. It's a pretty good way to kickstart my brain after my alarm goes off, and then it's done. Solitaire's also a logic puzzle mixed with luck. Although my app has recently added a "solve" button. After I press it (and watch yet another Royal Match ad), all I have to do is click on the highlighted cards. I may need to find a new solitaire app if they keep going in this direction.

In any event, go ahead and let King Roger get suffocated by slime, drowned in a pool, burned by a dragon, drilled to pieces by a mining machine or toasted alive in a fire. Then maybe whatever country that's been burdened with him can switch to democracy and elect people who won't drown in a transparent sewer pipe.