Monday, August 31, 2009

C'mere, Bambi...


So Disney entertainment company bought Marvel Comics. I see some changes on the horizon.

Howard the Duck quack-fu's Donald's tail, swipes Daisy, kicks out Huey, Dewey and Louie and tells Uncle Scrooge he'd better start parting with some of that hoard if he knows what's good for him.

Charles Xavier decides Goofy must be a mutant, since the other main dog in the Disneyverse doesn't talk. Unfortunately, even the mighty brain of Professor X can't find a mind inside that simpleton's skull and he tricks Magneto into recruiting him, thus assuring his defeat.

It turns out that the high pitch of Mickey's voice is at the exact frequency that most irritates the Thing. Unable to stand the strain, the Thing utters his battle cry, "It's clobberin' time!" and steps on the mouse. Minnie mourns for a very short time before beginning moving in with Thor. Tongues wag. Carefully.

In a tragic (and messy) development, the world learns "Hulk hate flying elephants!"

Namor the Sub-Mariner begins an affair with Ariel, the no-longer-so-little-mermaid.

Several other Disney princesses, upon learning Fantastic Four heartthrob Johnny Storm is a bachelor, become contestants on the new VH-1 reality show "Carrying a Torch?" Depression among handsome bland princes skyrockets.

After learning about a little lady called Belle, Trish Tilby has some questions for Hank McCoy.

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