Sunday, April 18, 2010

And the Earth Moved...

According to one Ayatollah Kazem Sedigh of Tehran, the presence of inappropriately-dressed women will cause not only a danger to the chastity of those young men who happen to gaze upon them, but also earthquakes.

I am afraid the esteemed cleric is a bit late to the party, as the association between attractive females and tectonic activity has been long established here in the Western world. As any number of incredibly witty bumper stickers (found next to Calvin urinating on a Ford logo) have pointed out,  when things, such as vans, are "rockin'," then one is dissuaded from  "a-knockin'," because, of course, there is some quaking going on inside.

(For an alternative course of action when the house is rockin', see Vaughn, S.R. "The House is Rockin'," wherein he suggests one should not "bother," but instead "come on in." See also Setzer, B., for another variation of the same theory.)

Also, as Messrs. Young, Young and Scott have pointed out, certain girls who've "got rhythm" are "enough to start a landslide/Walkin' down the street." A landslide is not technically an earthquake, of course, but many of them can be devastating by themselves.

Be that as it may, I am now encouraged to offer similar observations in my sermon next Sunday as to the precise cause of global warming (see Gordon, R., "My Gal is Red-Hot (Your Gal Ain't Doodly Squat"), as well as potential steps to combat the problem it represents (see Jagger, M. and Richards, K., "She's So Cold").

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